


Time to Move On

by newnole



Series: Loving Yourself and Finding Love, Buddie Style [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Not Beta Read, Pre-Slash, Sad Evan "Buck" Buckley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:27:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24472033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newnole/pseuds/newnole
Summary: Buck thought he had what he was finally looking for. Oh, how wrong he was! Now he just needs to move on. Maybe he can find what he needs somewhere else.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: Loving Yourself and Finding Love, Buddie Style [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1878754
Comments: 12
Kudos: 143





	Time to Move On

**Author's Note:**

> I have been having this idea of angst-y Buck for a while and just had to write it out. This is set after the tsunami but before the lawsuit. I might write a sequel or someone is welcome to do so themselves. Enjoy!

Buck thought that getting crushed by a firetruck or swept up in the tsunami would be the most painful moments in his life. Surely nothing could be more painful, but he was wrong. Watching his family leave him behind is worse than anything he ever had to deal with in the last few years.

He did not have a great childhood. His parents did not really love Maddie and him. They were status symbols. His parents pushed their children to reach the highest limits. His parents wanted children that elevated their social standing. If Buck had performed the best and showed that he was worthy, then he would finally be loved. Nothing he and his sister ever did was good enough. 

Buck thought he was at a place in his life that his performance or ability to do something was not an important factor in how he was shown love. Given the attention he always desired. Well, these people finally showed him that he was wrong in his thinking. Buck could only ever be loved for what he did for others and not for who he is. He was done. Done with trying and done with this place and these people.

Buck knew he needed to move on with his life. Everyone else has already moved on. Seeing his locker have someone else's name placed over his was the last straw. 

He knew everyone was busy and that they could not always visit but he thought coming to see them would make these feelings go away. It had the opposite effect. He finally learned that they probably did not want to visit him. They did not consider Buck the way he always did consider them.

He has finally seen just how little they actually cared. Buck left the station and went home. He started to pack because he knew he needed to move, either move elsewhere or move on with his life but that did not help take his attention away from the brokenness in his heart. He broke down and stared to sob. He felt as if his heart was ripped out and thrown into the trash. 

Buck truly believed that working hard and persevering through all that life threw at him in the last few months would make him stronger. It didn't. He is still the weak little boy he was back at home that his parents despised. 

Buck could not stop crying. His heart was broken, his whole world is now shattered and he did not know if he could survive this. He sat in his living room for what seems like days. By the time he realised what was going on around him it was night time. He had cried for hours and he finally let out all of the grief he had pent up inside. Now all that was left was a numbness he has not felt in years. He knew this numbness and he welcomed it back into his life. 

Buck knew what to do with this void of emotions. This is the sign that he needs to move on. Move forward with his life. He won't leave LA like he left so many places before. Maddie is here and he knows she loves him still. She promised all those years ago to never stop loving him. He won't leave his sister but he will leave the 118. 

Buck knew of a few other stations that would welcome him. Especially since he has still yet to be placed back into active duty. He was a damn good firefighter. He does not believe Bobby when he tells him to be patient. Everyone else has been hurt on the job and came back fairly quickly. Why hasn't he been allowed back? Why is he always forgotten or left behind?

Evan is taking his life and fate into his own hands. He does not need the 118 to be a firefighter. He can and will go to other stations to do the job. 

Evan, and yes he will no longer be 'Buck', will reach other to the chief and look into a transfer. He does not need to talk this out and does not need anyone else's input about _his_ life. Buck is the loving, care free guy he thought people would enjoy. Now he is Evan. Evan is determined and smart. He will succeed like never before.

He will talk to Maddie tomorrow about this change and he is going to move closer to whichever station he ends up. It is time for the 118 to enjoy a taste of what they have done to _him_. He is cutting them out of his life. He is cutting all ties with them. 

Buck will probably be missed. They should have tried harder. They should have thought about _him_ for once. Evan is strong and determined. He will thrive without those who are holding him back. 

Then there is the matter of the budding love he has for Eddie. He thought that they could have been more. They could have had a relationship that would blossom into one of those great love stories. He can't hold it against Eddie. He has had a lot to deal with and he knows that Eddie has to focus on Chris and himself right now. Buck will leave his love for Eddie behind since it will never happen. Evan will have to start over and find someone who will love him and give him the time of day for once. 

He will miss Christopher though. He knows the kid will miss him but he has his dad and the 118, as well as his friends and other family, to be there for him as he grows up. He will move on just like Evan has to. He starts to cry thinking about leaving Chris so soon after losing his mom but he is not the other parent. This breaks his heart but adds to his resolve to move on with his life. 

For now, he will go to sleep and tomorrow he will start to move on with his life. Move towards a place where he is happy and will not let another bunch of people determine his happiness. He will not try to find family and love based on what he does but who he is as a person. This is when Buck ends and Evan starts.Buck is no more and he is now Evan Buckley. He will be the man he was meant to be. 


End file.
